Apocalypse cow! Bagged milk might be disappearing soon, and that’s nothing to cry over…

Much like ketchup-flavoured potato chips and Nanaimo bars and those multi-coloured Hudson’s Bay blankets, bagged milk is one of those uniquely Canadian things. Even within Canada, it’s a regional item. These bags are typically found in Eastern Canada. So not only are Americans gobsmacked by bagged milk, so too are Albertans…

We hear it can be found in a few other countries, but we’ve never seen these things across the pond…

Domestically, bagged milk has been around since the 60s, back when the Maple Leafs were frequently winning Stanley Cups. These days, the Leafs wear jerseys emblazoned with a milk logo. Hey, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment will do anything to MILK more revenue from their assets whereas. As for winning championships… Well, that’s more or less an afterthought. But we digress…

Personally, we HATE, HATE, HATE bagged milk. When we pour the milk, it always spills everywhere. I think it’s because the formless plastic bag stands taller than the rigid plastic jug.

Maybe we need to buy a bigger jug… but we’ve got better things to do.

And although we can’t prove this, anecdotally, it seems that bagged milk goes sour far more quickly than milk packaged in jugs or cartons. Maybe the fact that a bag of milk is no longer hermetically sealed once you create an opening in the plastic bag has something to do with that accelerated best-before date. And yes, maybe I could buy some clip to seal the plastic bag better, but again, we can’t be bothered.

C’mon, already! Why the hell does pouring a glass of milk have to be so damn complicated?

For us, we much prefer the plastic container or the carton. By the way, if you’re into environmental sustainability, the deposit/return jug such as the one sold by Becker’s – is the way to go. Deposit/return schemes for packaging are far more environmentally friendly than the scam that is the blue box. But again, we digress…

So why is bagged milk possibly facing extinction? Part of the reason is the decline in milk consumption overall. Alas, looks like there’s been no return on investment regarding all that cash the Dairy Farmers of Ontario are doling out to the Toronto Maple Leafs…

We’re sure there are fans of bagged milk. In fairness, bagged milk is cheaper than milk in cartons or jugs. Then again, a Fiat is cheaper than a Ferrari. Which car would you rather drive?

We’re sure other bagged milk aficionados reading this are no doubt collectively saying, “Come on, guys, there must be SOMETHING positive you can say about bagged milk.”

Hmmm… let us think…

When we grab a bag of milk in our hands, we can kinda imagine what it's like to be married to Pamela Anderson… Hey, cut us some slack: this product does emanate from the mammary glands of moo cows after all...

Other than that, we got nothing.

Anyway, hopefully Professor Charlebois is correct. Hopefully, this ghastly product will soon disappear from my grocer’s fridge. Because when it comes to bagged milk… well, it’s just not our bag, man…